We Need You
by hollygwood
Summary: Kurt takes drastic steps when he the bullying becomes too much and he thinks nobody needs him. But everyone falls apart without him. Kurt/Puck slightly.
1. Chapter 1

Kurt was unhappy, so so unhappy. But more than that, he was just tired. So tired of it all. He was so tired of pretending to be fine, pretending that nothing ever touched him. He was tired of letting people think that every time someone called him a fag it rolled right off his back, rather than letting them know the truth; that every time someone called him that, or scrawled it on his locker, or threw him in a dumpster, or tossed a slushy over him, or shoved him against a locker, or beat him around, it hurt him, and it was only through so much practice that he never once let them think it got to him. Because he'd always thought that would be them winning. If they thought they couldn't break him, maybe they'd stop trying. But the truth was, they'd broken him a long time ago, he just had kept it all so bottled up inside he was scared he'd explode if anybody pushed him one more inch. Recently he'd sit in Glee club, and he'd be sitting so tight into himself, his legs pulled up, arms around himself, because he couldn't communicate with anyone anymore. Not even Mercedes, his best friend. He was pushing her away, and he was hurting her, he knew. He felt horrible about it, and he missed her everyday, but it was like there was a wall between him and every person, whether he loved or hated them. He didn't have the faintest clue of how to climb that wall. He was in a fog of depression so thick sometimes he could barely breath (though maybe that was because Karofsky had such shoved him hard into a locker and he was trying not to let even one tear escape so hard) and he didn't know how to escape.

Until now.

He felt awful about it. But his Dad was getting better from his heart attack, and anyway he had Carole and Finn now. Carole seemed to be helping Burt get over his dead wife, and Kurt knew how much Burt loved Finn's company, so he probably wouldn't miss Kurt all that much, sure he'd be upset for a bit, but Kurt knew his dad would rather be with Finn; he was the son he'd always wanted. His father had never said that, but Kurt knew it was true.

Mercedes wouldn't miss him. He'd been a horrible friend to her recently, she had Tina and Quinn and everyone, he wasn't a big part of her life anymore.

The rest of Glee? Yeah like they'd miss him so much. They had each other. He wasn't an important part of that club anymore, they didn't need him. Mr Schuester especially would probably be glad. He didn't even have to pretend to ignore Kurt's bullying anymore.

Kurt picked Tuesday because he knew his Dad worked late on a Tuesday, and Finn and his mum had gone to visit Carole's brother across town, and they wouldn't be back till late. He didn't want any disturbance. It was just him.

He put his bag down by the front door, and walked down to his basement bedroom, everything neat and tidy. Then he wrote three letters.

Dad,

I love you. This is not to do with you. You've been the best dad I could ever have wanted. Since I was 8 you've been two parents to me, and I love you so much for it, and I'll never let you be alone, I'll be watching you, me and Mom, we'll be taking care of you together now.

I wish I didn't have to do this, but everything has gotten to me too much. I'll always be gay. My life will always be like this. Everywhere I go people will be wanting to beat me up, or burn me alive because I want to hold hands with a man I love. I know you thought I was strong enough to deal with it. I thought so too. But I'm not, and I'm sorry I wasn't.

Please, have the best life ever. Make sure Carole and Finn look after you. Look after them.

I'm sorry, forgive me. I love you.

Kurt xxx

Mercedes,

The first thing I need to say is sorry; a million times. I'm sorry for abandoning you recently, you're the best friend I've ever had, and I shouldn't have been pushing you away. But the truth is, the bullying, the abuse, it's worn me down way too much now, I've reached the point I never thought I'd reach. But I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you could go on without me. You can. I'm a shit friend, you don't need me. You're one of the most talented people I've ever met, Mercedes. I can't wait to see you take that talent all the way across the world, because you will. In a few years millions of people will have your songs on their ipod. I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I've done this. But they got to me. Look after the rest of Glee. And your mum. And my dad, every so often, if that's ok.

Sorry one more time, my girl. I love you.

Kurt xxx

Dear Rachel, Finn, Tina, Artie, Mercedes, Sam, Noah, Quinn, Brittany, Santana, Mike and Mr Schu,

What a mouthful. I didn't realise how many of us there were. I need to thank you guys. So much. Because you've made the last two years bearable. You've all been there for me when all I wanted to do was cry. It's always been great. But now it's not enough. It's not your fault, any of you. It's me! I'm weak, and I can't go on with this bullying. I've tried to change myself, I've tried to change them. It won't work. I'm gay and I'm never going to be accepted. None of you will miss me, you don't need me, cause every single one of you are so strong. I wish I could be as strong as all of you. Just a few things; Tina and Artie, for God's sake sort it out, you belong together. Mercedes, I left you another letter, my lovely. Rachel, I pretended to hate you, but you changed my life. Go and be a star, I know you will be. Finn, the best brother. And before you start worrying about it, I forgive you for that day, a million times over, so don't fret. Noah, yes I am using your name, I can see your face now, all angry. Keep going, keep strong, ok. Don't go back to Puck, throwing kids in dumpsters. You're better than that. Quinn, your like the sister I never had. You're beautiful and strong, and never change one thing about yourself. Brittany, baby keep strong, and Santana, look after her. Look after each other. Sam, thanks for being a gentleman always. Mike, keep the pop and lock going. I'll miss you. I'll miss you all. Mr Schu, you are glee club, like we said, it's true. You're our rock, you have been for two years. Keep this Glee club going, for me. And for God's sake win nationals! For me. I'm sorry again. Your lives will be better after this. I swear. New Directions, always.

Kurt xxx

After Kurt had written the letters he walked upstairs, and placed them carefully on the kitchen table. Then he walked back down the stairs, slowly, holding a bottle of his father's whisky, and a packet of strong painkillers. He didn't feel scared, he finally felt like he was doing something about the shambles of his life. He sat down on his bed, taking a couple of swigs of whisky, then he popped all the pills out of their packet, and shoved them in his mouth. After a couple more swigs of whisky, the pills were gone. He drunk a bit more, and then closed his eyes. He began to feel drowsy, and he knew he would not wake up. He lay down peacefully.


	2. Chapter 2

Burt Hummel wasn't feeling great. He knew it was nothing urgent, but since he'd had the arrhythmia he was told he might feel like this some days, and if so, to take it easy.

"You don't look so good, boss." His second in command, Ernie, said, "Take the rest of the evening off. I can handle things here, and I don't want you almost giving ME a heart attack like you did last time."

"Are you sure Ernie?" Burt asked, wiping his hands with a cloth and picking up his jacket.

"Sure as sure. Get home, and get some rest mate. And say hi to Kurt for me!" Ernie called.

"Will do, Ern. Thanks." Burt got into his car and drove home.

He walked in the door and saw Kurt's bag lying beside it. "Hey Kurt?" He called. There was no answer. Burt checked the mail (bills, bills, bills...) and walked into the kitchen. Three letters lay on the table. One said "Dad" one said "Mercedes" and one said "Glee". Burt frowned. They were written in Kurt's handwriting. Why would Kurt be writing letters to everyone? "Kurt?" He called again, and shoved all three letters in his pocket. He walked down the stairs to the basement, and saw his son asleep fully clothed on the bed. He ran over, and saw a half empty bottle of whisky and a completely empty painkiller packet. He thought of the letters in his pocket. He grabbed his son's wrist. Kurt was very cold, but his pulse was there. It was so, so weak, but it was there. Burt pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"911, what service do you require?"

"Ambulance."

"Address?"

"Seven Tannis Road, Lima."  
"One had been despatched, it'll be four minutes. What is the nature of your emergency?"

"My son has over dosed, on strong painkillers I was prescribed for my heart problems. He's taken them with whisky."  
"How much alcohol was consumed?"

"It looks like about four or five shots."

"Does he have a pulse?"

"Yes but it's weak. He's cold. And unconscious."

Two minutes later there was a knock at the door. Burt opened it and the paramedics ran downstairs. Two of them crouched beside Kurt, one feeling his pulse, while another set up the stretcher.

"Is he going to be ok?" Burt was trying to be calm, trying so hard, because he knew flapping about wouldn't help his son in the slightest, and right now Kurt needed him more than he ever had in his life.

"He's with us at the moment, but until we get him to hospital we really can't judge how much damage has been done to his body." One paramedic answered, putting an oxygen mask over Kurt's face and lifting him onto the stretcher. Burt followed the paramedics into the ambulance, and he only realised then that he was shaking so hard he could barely stand up straight. "Be strong for Kurt," he told himself, as the doors closed, and the ambulance raised towards Central Lima Hospital, Ohio.

Burt had never experienced a wait like that before in his life. All he could do was sit in the waiting room, imagining what terrible thing was happening to his son, while torturing himself for not doing enough for him, not being enough, not being there enough? Because surely if his son was so unhappy he wanted to take his own life, his parenting skills must be fucked up big time. Burt never, ever cried, but as he sat in that waiting room, needing his son so badly it physically broke his heart, tears began to roll down his face, and he lay his head against the wall. Burt wasn't a religious man, but that night he prayed and prayed and prayed.

Hours later, a nurse came out. She looked grave.

"Please, please no." Burt cried, fresh tears trickling down his face. He was already thinking of how he was going to kill himself, because he just couldn't live without his son.

"Mr Hummel, Kurt is alive." The nurse said gently. Burt took a deep breath.

"But he's really sick, right?"

"Kurt took a lot of pills, and the alcohol made it worse. The fact that Kurt is very small and slight also made it worse. His body wasn't equipped to deal with this. His heart rate is very unsteady at the moment, his stomach has been pumped, but he's currently in a comatose state. The drugs had a bad effect on him, he stopped breathing several times during the operation and that caused a lack of blood to the brain. We don't know when he'll wake up. We also don't know how he'll be when he wakes up. Thank God, it looks like there's no serious damage to his liver, which is the main thing with an overdose, but his body is very damaged right now. He's weak, and a patient needs to be at their strongest to wake up from a coma."  
"Can I see my son?" Burt asked. The nurse ushered him into the room, and left him alone with Kurt.

Burt sat down gently beside his child. The first thing that struck him was just how tiny his little boy looked, lying in that bed, a mask over his face, IV in his arm, tubes everywhere. Burt held his hand, and looked at his son.

"I love you Kurt. You're my whole world, baby. You're my sun and my earth and my moon. I don't know if you can hear me. The doctors say you probably can't. But if you can hear me, I need you to know how much I love you. You are my everything. I will do anything to make your life happy. I know you can survive this, Kurt. I know you can." Burt kissed Kurt's hand, and held it tighter. Then he stayed that way for a long time, just glad to be with his son.

A while later, he walked out of the room and opened his phone, deciding he really needed to contact people. As he dialled Will Schuester, he remembered the letters wedged in his jeans pocket.

"Hello?"  
"Mr Schuester? It's Burt Hummel." Even to his own ears his voice sounded hoarse and terrified.

"Burt, is everything ok? Kurt didn't show at Glee yesterday." Will sounded concerned.

"Kurt..." Burt Hummel couldn't say it out loud, and he broke down on the phone.

"Burt, what's happened? Do you need me? Where are you?"  
"Central Lima hospital. Tell Mercedes too." Burt choked out, then hung up.

Ten minutes later, Mercedes and Will raced into the hospital. Burt exited Kurt's room again, and walked out to see them. Mercedes already had tear tracks down her face, Will was holding her shoulder gently.

"Burt, what's happened?"  
"Last night..." Burt swallowed hard, "Kurt took an overdose. A big one. He's in a coma. Nobody knows how long for..If he'll wake up."

Mercedes dark skin turned a shade paler, and she suddenly turned and ran for the bathroom. Will sighed, his face screwed up in pain. "Could we see him?" Will asked gently. Burt nodded, and when Mercedes came out of the bathroom, the three of them walked into Kurt's room. Burt looked at their faces, at their shock of seeing Kurt, who was usually so together, lying in this bed, barely alive. Mercedes picked up her friends hand, and began to talk to him.

"I'm sorry. If I've ever done anything to make you feel bad. I love you. My best friend, please wake up, Kurt. I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

Guuuuys! Thank you for the reviews, it means a lot to me when people like my stuff (:

Sorry this chapter's a bit shorter.

Will stood in front of Glee club, the next day, an unopened letter in his hands. The entire club filed in, all with red eyes, looking nervous and broken. They had all been informed by Mercedes, and though they all wanted to see Kurt, for the moment Burt could only handle Mercedes there. Will waited for silence like usual, although it didn't take any time. Nobody wanted to talk. Quinn and Brittany were both already crying softly, holding each others hands.

"Guys," Will started, "What has happened is horrible. I can't even begin to get my head around it. We all just need to make sure we're here for when Burt wants people around Kurt, and to be around for Kurt himself. Burt gave me this letter. Kurt wrote it just before he over dosed. We need to make a group decision about whether we want to read it."  
"Of course we should. Kurt would want us to." Quinn murmured through her tears. The group all made similar noises, so Will tore the letter open and read it. By the time he had finished, every single member of the club was sobbing. Will glanced over the room, and was vaguely shocked to see Puckerman looked the most distressed, his head in his shaking hands, sobs wracking his body.

"No glee today. You guys can go home. Let's all say a little prayer ok. And I love you guys, and we are a strong group, and Kurt is a strong boy, and if anyone can pull through something like this, he can. And he has all of us. Every day."

Puck stood outside central hospital. He knew it wasn't his place, but it was like there was no force strong enough on earth to keep him away. He was confused at why he cared quite SO much that Hummel was ill, but he wasn't thinking about that. All his energy, everything inside of him, felt like it was praying for Kurt to be ok. He walked towards the intensive care unit. He was about to ask the receptionist for help when he saw Kurt's Dad standing by the coffee machine, staring blankly into space. He walked away from the reception desk and toward Burt Hummel.

"Excuse me, sir?" Puck carefully touched Burt's arm.

"Puckerman," Burt looked at Puck for a split second in confusion before his face turned to anger; "Kid, I think you should walk away from me and out of this hospital before I lose it."

"I understand why you don't want me around..." Puck started.

"Damn straight. Noah, you may not push Kurt around anymore, but you used to, and somewhere, deep inside that vulnerable kid you have left your bullying mark, and though you are his friend now, I guess, I can't see past any of that right now. You know he's worse today, right? He's having trouble breathing on top of everything else. Get lost."

"I understand why you want to punch me up. And I don't care if you do. It'd be a welcome distraction for both of us. But I am begging you, Mr Hummel, with everything I have. Please let me see Kurt for five minutes. I'm so scared." Noah began to cry softly.

Burt sighed. "Five minutes kid. And that's it."

Burt walked Puck to Kurt's room, and waited outside the door while Puck walked softly to Kurt's bedside, and picked up his hand.

"Hummel. What are you doing in here. Why did you do it? I guess none of that matters now, because you did it, and you're here. And I'm praying for you, Kurt. Me and my nana, we're going to the temple every day, and praying for you. I know you don't believe in God or whatever, but anything's worth a try, isn't it? What I really wanted to say was I'm sorry for anything I've ever put you through that's made you feel worthless. Because you're not worthless. You're the bravest most inspirational person at that school, and I guess I've always been jealous of that. You're gonna wake up and make it out of here, and you'll be back in Glee, and then you'll get out of this town because you're so so talented, Kurt. Anyway, that's kind of it. Except, I miss you buddy. I guess neither of us thought I'd ever be saying this. I miss you. So do the rest of glee. Especially Aretha. And in case you hadn't realised already, we can't get by without you. So, yeah. Get better Kurt." Puck let the tears flow freely, then he dropped Kurt's hand and walked past Burt. "Thank you." he said huskily.

"It's never too late to make amends kid." Burt replied, and then he walked back towards his son, and before Puck reached the end of the corridor he heard Burt's sad, soft crying.


	4. Chapter 4

Your reviews are the best thing, so please keep them coming, I love feedback :)

I'm sorry this story is so depressing, but currently angst seems to be the only thing I can vaguely pass off as any good! 3

Thank you again, you're all amazing.

Oh and I forgot to say this before...DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee. That little masterpiece belongs to Ryan Murphy and co. However, if I did, Kurt Hummel would be the main character. JS.

Oh and I'm sorry this chapter's kind of short..I do have more written.

I'll shut up now..x

Finn sat in his Mom's arms, sobbing into her sweater. Carole stroked his hair, but tears were falling down her face too.

"It's not just that he's dying," Carole flinched at Finn's word, but let him continue, "It's that he TRIED to kill himself, Mom. And we weren't there for him like we should have been. I know he said he forgives me for what happened in his basement, but I will never forgive myself." Finn was sobbing so hard Carole began to fret.

"Finn, I know you're upset but you have to try and calm down baby." Carole said, rocking him back and forth like she had when he was a tiny baby and he wouldn't settle.

"I can't, I need to see Kurt, please." Finn cried.

"I'll talk to Burt tomorrow honey. I can't promise anything though." Carole soothed.

Finn sniffed, and lay his head on his Mom's chest.

"Burt, it's me."  
"Hey Carole,"

"How's he doing?"  
"Having trouble breathing still."

"Burt I need to ask you something?"

"Yeah, Finn can come and see him."

"How did you know?"

"Finn wouldn't be the kid I thought he was if he wasn't begging to see Kurt."

"Thank you, honey. He's in bits."  
"Aren't we all." Burt sounded so tired, so grief stricken.

"He's going to be ok."  
"How do you know that?"  
"I have faith in him. And I know you do to."  
"I don't want to hope. I'm too scared."

"Burt, hope is all we have."

"Bring Finn later. Bye Carole."

Finn wasn't expecting Kurt to look so...ill. So awful. He was ten times paler than usual, with those dark shadows under his eyes. His breathing machine thing was kind of spluttery, and there were wires everywhere, his nose, in his veins, a mask too for oxygen. Kurt was usually so strong and looked so perfect, that seeing him like this scary and Finn realised he was crying. Again.

"Kurt what are you doing here? We're all missing you so much, what makes you think we can get by without you? You're such a big part of Glee, of all our lives. And you're irreplaceable. You're one of a kind, and no matter what anyone thinks, that's a good thing, and something you should be proud of. Because I'm proud to call you not only my friend, but my almost little brother. I can't wait to see you perform on broadway and me being like 'that's my brother!' you know what, I wouldn't care if you worked in walmart, I'd still be saying the same thing; that's my brother, and he's one of the bravest, most awesome people I've ever met. So get better, Kurt. Please. We need you."

Mercedes was at home. She'd stay at the hospital 24/7 if she could, but her Mom made her come home every now and then, tried to make her eat and sleep, both things she seemed to be failing at since Kurt had overdosed. She missed him so much, she would give anything for him to wake up. She was so scared that one day she'd wake up and he'd have gone completely. She didn't know how she'd manage without him as her best friend. She loved him so much, he was an amazing friend to her, no matter what he thought, and she prayed every day and every night that he would be ok.


	5. Chapter 5

After he let Finn in, Burt let in the Glee kids to visit whenever they wanted. Who was he to stop anyone who loved Kurt see him. One time, he let Brittany in, she came alone and tearful, and he hugged her and then she went into see Kurt. Burt went to get a coffee and give her some privacy and when he came back, he stopped at the door. Brittany was gently curled on the edge of Kurt's bed, one arm gently round his stomach, one holding his hand, and she was talking in a steady soft stream.

"You're gonna get better aren't you Kurt, because we can't do anything without you. In fact sometimes I feel like I can't breathe without you, it hurts to breathe which isn't right is it. Santana told me it's because I love you. Of course I love you, not in a making out way like I love most guys, in a better way because you are kind and amazing and when you sing I feel like my heart is breaking, but in a good way, like I love it so much, not like now, when my heart is breaking in a bad way because I miss you. So get better Kurt. And this is a secret because I know you're not religious but I keep praying you'll get better and I'm trying to sort out a deal with God, if he does exist. I said that I don't mind being like Artie, not a guy, but being in a wheelchair, I don't mind not being able to walk if you can get better. I don't know if he listened or if he does deals, but I hope you get better. Please. Anyway, I love you Kurt."

Burt backed out of the room, his coffee forgotten, tears running in rivulets down his face.

People came, and people went. The kids sung, they talked, Burt talked, Will talked, Carole talked. Day after day they held Kurt's hand and kissed his forehead and stroked his hair and told him how their days were going. They told him how much they missed him, how much they needed him. But their lives weren't continuing, not really. The kids were trying to focus on school. Burt didn't go to work, he sorted things out with Ernie and the other guys, and spent day and night at the hospital with his son, sleeping on a mattress by the bed, and more often than not, when he did drop off to a few hours of bad sleep, he'd wake up clutching Kurt's hand over the edge of the bed. One day, he was at the hospital with Carole. She'd headed down to get them a drink, and Burt was, as usual, holding his son's hand. Suddenly he felt a slight movement underneath his fingers. His heart leapt up into his throat. Calm down, Burt, he thought, maybe it was a nerve in your hand. Don't get excited.

He looked down at their intertwined hands. Kurt's index finger moved slowly, then again. Then his whole hand began to move. Tears began to pour down Burt's cheeks. "If you can hear me, squeeze my hand Kurt? Just squeeze it, all you have to do baby." Slowly, and weakly, Kurt squeezed his father's hand. Burt began to laugh through his tears, and as Carole re-entered the room he yelled, "Get a nurse! Quick!" Carole dumped the drinks and ran through to find a nurse. Meanwhile Burt studied his son's face. No sign of movement...no...Kurt's eyeslashes were quivering ever so slightly. His lips moved slightly. His eyelids twitched a little. His body shifted minimally to the side. Meanwhile Kurt carried on weakly squeezing his father's hand, and he was so overwhelmed at any response from his son that he could barely breath. Relief flooded him as Kurt's eyes fluttered open, so slowly. At that moment the nurse ran in."He's awake!" Burt called, and the nurse put a hand to Kurt's head, and then began to do his obs.

"Breathing, still measured, heart rate a little fast, but not too bad. Very tired. But everything seems to be much improved." The nurse smiled and patted Kurt's hand, then left Burt and his son alone, as did Carole. Kurt's eyelids were drooping with tiredness already, but he pulled them open in that determined way he'd had since he could crawl.

"Daddy," he slurred, his words as exhausted as his face, "I don't remember..."

"It's ok, Kurt, Daddy's here. I'm looking after you. Everything's going to be ok, you have to rest." Burt soothed.

"Are you ok?" Kurt slurred again.

Burt laughed, hollowly, "Unbelievable. You lie there like that and you ask me if I'm ok. I'm fine, concentrate on getting yourself better Kurt. Sleep now. I love you."

Kurt managed the faintest of smiles, and closed his eyes again. But this time, Burt was glad. He kept hold of his son's hand, relief coursing through his veins like a drug.

Will put the phone down, and for the first time in a long time, a smile broke his face. He walked into face the Glee club.

"Kurt woke up today." Mr Schu said, smiling at the kids. They all looked shocked, and then Rachel burst into tears.

"Thank God." She cried, and Finn pulled her close, looking like he might keel over and die of relief.

"And he's ok, Mr Schu?" Asked Puck, biting his lip.

"Apparently very tired, and still struggling a little with breathing, but he's going to be ok." Will said, sitting down and sighing with relief at the news he had just received.

The group all just sat in the room for a long time, tears falling, smiles finally appearing on their faces, holding each other, and sighing with relief.

Mercedes was so relieved, and she couldn't wait to get to the hospital to see her friend. But she knew in her heart that waking up was only half the battle, and Kurt would sooner or later have to confront why he tried to hurt himself so badly in the first place. But she didn't care if it took five days or five years, she would be right beside her best friend every day.


End file.
